In a stunning move not seen in professional basketball before, the NBA Finals have called off before a game is even played.  The NBA announced today that the Los Angeles Lakers will be crowned champions, defeating the Eastern Conference Champion Boston Celtics in five imaginary games.

“We just feel that this is the right decision to make right now.  The way the Lakers have played, it’s inconceivable to think that Boston has a chance. We want to save the Celtics and their fans the time, money and effort of supporting what is clearly an inferior squad,” said Commissioner David Stern.

Despite winning 66 regular season games and holding the best record in the NBA, the Celtics lost the series. The solid imaginary shooting of Kobe Bryant, the amazingly conceivable play of Pau Gasol and the efficient, hypothetical defense of the Lakers were too much for the Celtics.

“On paper, you just couldn’t deny us, and that paid off for us,” said Bryant.  “Our bench is just way better, probably, and we just got hot at the right moment, I guess.”

The commissioner has not stated how this hypothetical series was won, saying only that it needed “no more than 5 games, 6 tops”.

“The mind is a wonderful thing and it is best for fans to decide themselves how this series ended. Just make sure that at the end, it has the Lakers winning and the lowly Celtics hobbling back to Boston to prepare for next season,” Stern added.

While the Lakers could not be happier with the outcome, Boston players and fans are in a sour mood.

“Bulls**t,” said Paul Pierce.

“There is no way that they are better than we are on paper,” chimed Kevin Garnett. “You look at Ray probably dropping threes, Paul most likely getting it done on the floor, our bench coming in and playing solid for the most part and me stopping the Laker offense to a standstill, I would suppose, we are the better team.”

One fan had a rather radical message for Commissioner Stern:

“Why don’t they just play the games to decide who is champion? I think it would be a great series if we just watch it unfold before us, no matter who wins. Remember a certain recent Superbowl that was all but finished before the game even began? How’d that turn out?”

When this comment was relayed to Stern, he laughed.

“How old school,” was his only reply.

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